01.01.10

My name is AJ Cross, and some might call my a celebrity in the South Florida Night Club/Entertainment Industry. For a long time I thought that I was just burdened with very bad luck, as most times even when my intentions and actions were good, the results of a situation were negative. I found myself often time inexplicably depressed and doubtful of my own abilities. I was always feeling alone, even when surrounded by many people and I was hesitant about approaching people because I doubted the sincerity behind their kindness and attention towards me. I went from a few big successes to huge failures and setbacks and I felt as if nothing was in my control. A friend of mine decided that I needed what I call a spiritual intervention.

He told me that his mother had an unusually and powerful gift for which she was able to not only identify the cause of negativity and turmoil in ones life, but remove the identified source of pain, and sickness of the mind the heart and the soul. Now skeptical would be a light term for how I would describe myself, as I have always been under the mindset that I had full control of every aspect of my life, and that nothing was left to chance, but I created my own reality. My friend then reminded me of all my setbacks and illnesses throughout the past year and told me that I had nothing to lose in trying something different. Attempting to let go of the control that I held onto so tightly and allow his mother to engage the negativity in my life.

I suffered from great migraines, and depression and constantly failed to complete goals I set for myself, not out of inability, but fear that I could not accomplish anything. I decided that I had nothing to lose and that things certainly could not get worse, so I gave into my friends suggestion and began the process of "cleansing" myself.

I provided his mother with some background information on myself, my parents and some personal information, and then sat back and watched the "magic". Initially, there was not change at all, and I was getting very irritated that things seemed to be getting worse in my life, and instead of feeling better physically, I was even more fatigued, and sad and unsure of things than prior to the initiation of the treatment.

I would call my friend complaining all the time. that the process was not working and that I was doubting that there was any legitimacy to the claims he had made about his mothers abilities.

Then one day, when I was sitting on my bed, thinking that I could not deal with another disappointment or failure and feeling completely drained, I begin to cry. I had not cried that way, so hard and for such a long time, ever! I could not even stop the tears from coming out if I wanted to and I was forced to my knees by the sadness I felt and I could feel myself floating away from time and the physical space I was in. I felt lighter and lighter and without even noticing it, I felt nothing at all. For a few moments I was just existing in time and space and I had no feelings, or even thoughts. I took a deep breath and as I exhaled it felt like all of what was making me so emotional escaped with that long breath.

I got off the ground and I honestly didn't even understand why I was on the floor and I had no idea what had gotten me so upset. I do know that I was immediately angry with myself for allowing anything to take control of me in that manner. I told myself that I was fed up with everything and that I could not allow myself to fall into doubt and fear or more importantly to give up and it was in that moment that I felt the change. I felt like I had experienced the pain of being reborn. I was even physically achy, as I was standing there in my dar bedroom experiencing the moment with a renewed sense of being and a restored sense of self.

The week following that night was incredible, not because things got easier for me, but because I came to the realization that the things that were so seemingly bad and difficult were not even important and I invested emotions and thoughts into issues that simply were not issues. The things that I was losing, I didn't need, and the people that I thought had betrayed me, were never really on my side and their options of me, were not relevant and were no longer of interest to me. I came to realize that the strength behind my success and self worth was not founded on materials, money or the praise of others, but my unwillingness to let myself become a failure. As doors in my life started to close, other doors opened and the possibilities became endless again and I felt twenty years younger, and I was excited about the fight I had ahead of me to get my life back.

by Aj Cross

Fort Lauderdale